Splash!

We're in the pool! You can see for yourselves at this link. Now the wait begins. Interestingly, the couples before and after us on the website both have toddler boys. I'll have to spend some time looking through the site to see what the pool looks like this time around.

Tomorrow I'm off to buy a new infant car seat among other essentials. You know, just in case. Apparently our car seat has "expired." Who even knew that was possible?

Almost there

Wow, I can't seem to keep up with any of my blogs! Since I last posted, we have completed...

• Two home visits
• Individual meetings for Jeff and I
• Physicals for Jeff and I
• Family photo
• Family introduction letter
• Autobiographies for Jeff and I

Huh, I felt like there was more. Not that this hasn't kept us plenty busy mind you.

Jeff and I have wore the same outfits in our family photo for the family introduction letter in both of our adoptions to date. So we took the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" approach and wore the same thing again! After I lost a bunch of weight, I got rid of all of my clothes EXCEPT this jacket specifically with this adoption in mind. It's a funny little look back at our last five years. Particularly as my hair has gotten shorter in each photo. This will have to be our last adoption as I'm not sure I could pull off a bald head...

The talented Emily Andrews took our family photo this time. And if you think this is good, you should see the individual shots of Ian! I particularly like that he has a second chin in this pic. And if you look closely, you'll see his little index finger pointing. He likes to point out EVERTHING right now so this is totally him.

All of our paperwork and meetings are now complete. We're waiting on one more letter of reference and then we'll officially be in the pool! And then...we wait. And prepare. And wait some more. Fortunately we have Ian to keep us distracted while we wait. Believe me, there is no better distraction than a 20 month-old little boy.

Application & Intake Meeting

We've been busy little beavers over here in the Harris home (shout out to all the other OSU grads). Here's a quick look at what we've done:

• Completed our initial meeting with the counselor - more detail below
• Created a draft of our photo collage - this is a 3-5 page collage of casual pictures reflecting our family, home, vacations, hobbies, etc. It's basically designed to give birthfamilies a realistic view of our lives.
• Updated my autobiography - another 3-5 pages for each parent recapping our life, values, experiences, etc. I was already up to 5 pages when I updated my autobiography for Ian's adoption so this time I had to edit before I could add. Truth be told, I'm still at 6 pages so I'll trust the counselor to edit from there. I mean, this is my life we're talking about! I'm hardly objective.
• Signed the agency contract - this details the process and our commitments. We also paid for the next step in the process, the Home Visit.

Our Application and Intake meeting with the adoption counselor was last Wednesday. Much like last time, we really just used the time to get caught up and to discuss our desire to add to our family through open adoption at this time. For our first A&I meeting, I recall worrying about what to wear and what to say. I think I was concerned that this counselor, whom we'd never met, would solely determine whether I would become a mother. Now that we've been down this road, I'm much more comfortable with the people and the process. In some cases, the counselors may determine that a prospective adoptive parent is not a good fit with the agency. But on the whole, I realize now that these counselors' primary work is trying to accurately portray us to find the right match. At least that's my take on it anyway.

We've scheduled the first of two Home Visits for tomorrow. Considering our counselor only works 3 days a week, we try to be as flexible with scheduling as possible. Fortunately she had an opening so we jumped at it. It wasn't until later that I realized we needed to do a little work on the guest room which will be Ian's new room. Some of you may have that room where all the miscellaneous stuff gets tossed. For us, that is the guest room. Unfortunately, the Home Visit entails walking through EVERY room in the house. So that junky guest room would need to get an overdue cleaning. I'm sure the counselor understands the lack of storage for all those old baby toys and what not. But I'm not comfortable showing her a room you can hardly even walk in! After several late nights and a truckful of Goodwill donations, I feel so much better. The room still needs another deep cleaning but it feels good to purge all that junk! Next step is converting it from the guest room to Ian's room.

Please pray that our Home Visit goes smoothly tomorrow. We've managed to schedule it on our 15th wedding anniversary. What could be a more appropriate celebration?

One more time!

If you're still following this blog then you deserve to be among the first to hear the big news - we've started the process to adopt our 3rd baby! We often thought Lillian would be an only child. Our family felt so complete with our little girl to dote upon. Everything was perfect according to OUR plan. But once she earned her angel wings, our hearts were opened. We realized that with the work and worry of parenthood comes utter joy. Though we don't think we're cut out to parent a large brood, we definitely want Ian to have the opportunity to share a close relationship with a sibling like we do with ours. While I would again like to plan each twist and turn on this road to parenthood, there is so much about adoption that is uncertain. So, we're jumping back into the process and leaving the timing in God's hands. (As it should be.)

We ordered the paperwork on July 17th. As this is our third time, much of the paperwork just needed updating. We also had to order certified copies of our Marriage License and Birth Certificates in addition to getting fingerprints taken. (That my friends is the glamorous side of the process.) Just two weeks later, Jeff delivered the initial paperwork and fingerprints to the agency.

The agency then informed that the state now requires 10 hours of adoption training for each family. I asked whether they wanted us to attend the seminar or teach it at this point. (Fortunately she laughed.) So we enrolled in what turned out to be a very introductory class on August 15th followed by about 4 hours of homework. I wish I could say it was a thought provoking course but instead it felt like just another check in a box.

And now, we wait for our first appointment with the counselor. We've tentatively scheduled it for this Wednesday but are waiting for the counselor to return from vacation to confirm the appointment. Fortunately we've been assigned the same counselor as our prior two adoptions so it feels very comfortable.

We don't know whether this journey will take three months or three years but as always, we'll keep you up to date on the process through this blog.

Happy Father's Day

We just got back from a walk and decided to pick up the mail. Lo and behold, there was an envelope from our attorney...

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

The Honorable Diana Stuart signed the General Judgment of Adoption on June 11, 2008. What an appropriate day to receive the news. Happy Father's Day!

Home Visit #2

Our second and final post-placement home visit was yesterday. It was somewhat ironic that I had to take a half day off from work on my second day back. But since I came in for a half day meeting last week, I'm calling it even. Anyway, the home visit was again brief and painless. There is certainly less anxiety when you already have the baby. The pre-adoption meetings feel a little more like interviews. Like if the counselor doesn't like you then there will be no baby. I know that's not true but it doesn't stop me from worrying a bit. But with the post-placement visits, I pick up a little but there is not nearly as much cleaning involved. The level of cleanliness is my anxiety gauge I guess.

The second visit is done at 2 months and preferably after the 2-month doctor appointment so that they can get the latest height and weight info. The counselor asks about any medical problems, daily routines and bonding. I guess they want to make sure that the baby is developing normally and that we are all feeling like a family. Like I said, these are pretty easy questions folks. Ian was having a particularly good nap so he managed to sleep through the entire visit. After a half hour, the final post-placement home visit unceremoniously concluded with a "thanks" and "good luck." It's so funny how much anticipation and excitement accompany the process before the placement. Then once the baby arrives, the process doesn't seem as important. In our hearts, Ian is already completely and forever ours. Alas we have a couple more months before the legal system agrees with us.

At this point the counselor will type up the visit notes and send them to our attorney for filing. This is the last step before a judge can finalize the adoption. Of course, that will still take a few months. With Lillian, it took 6 months before the adoption was finalized but we are using a different attorney with Ian's adoption and he thinks it will only take 3-4 months this time. So we're at least halfway there! Again, the finalization is rather unceremonious. One day we'll open the mailbox to find the signed adoption paperwork and birth certificate. And with that one envelope, we will be legally Ian's parents for life.

2 Week Visit

We had our 2 week follow up visit with the counselor last week. The whole thing took about 15 minutes and involved questions such as:

• Ian's height/weight at birth and now
• Any health issues
• How are we bonding with Ian
• How is the relationship with his birthfamily

Pretty painless really. We have another visit scheduled at the 2 month mark. In the meanwhile our attorney has filed the paperwork. The adoption should be finalized in about 3 months. Yeah!!!

Ashley and her dad are coming up this weekend for their first visit since Ian arrived. We are so excited to see them again! Ian is growing like a weed and I'm sure they will be amazed at how much he's changed in just 3 weeks.

Ian's New Blog

It's time for Ian to have his own blog. Yes this blog is about him but only part of him. And I'll continue to update this blog as further adoption details occur. (Those will be infrequent at this point.) But, check out the full details of Ian's ever-developing story on www.ianzharris.blogspot.com. Don't go to ianharris...you'll need the z. That is unless you want to learn about how to build an online empire!

Thank you for all your prayers. As one of Ashley's friends described it, God really orchestrates a masterful plan. Ashley and her friends were praying for clear direction and strength. We were praying for a new baby and for the birthfamily. While we were blindly praying, God was faithfully bringing us together. All we had to do was trust Him.

Ian the Impersonator

As I was snapping pics of Ian today, I noticed that he seems to be a natural actor. Just look at him impersonating some famous people:

Uncle Sam

Rocky

Arsenio Hall

What a talent!

He's Here!

Ashley's birthing coach and friend called us around 9pm on the 16th and said that Ashley was feeling some contractions. They were going to wait for her clothes to dry and then make their way to the hospital. We jumped in the car and started driving. At 10:30pm she called to say they were at the hospital and Ashley was dialated to 8cm!!! At 12:30am when we were just 18 miles from the hospital, Ashley called to congratulate us on our new baby boy. We missed the birth! But we had a healthy beautiful baby boy. He was born at 11:52pm on the 16th. Lillian's birthday was the 16th of October so we were so pleased to hear that they share a birthdate. He was 8lbs 13oz and 21 inches long with blue eyes and short blondish brown hair. We arrived around 1:10am to greet our son.

After much debate, our little boy is named Ian Zachary Harris. Zachary was a name that Ashley had selected. Ian was chosen for several reasons. 1) It is a version of John (according to the name books) which is Jeff's middle name, his Dad's middle name and his Grandfather's name. 2) The "I" initial is in honor of my grandma Irene who passed away when I was a little girl. 3) It means "God is gracious" and we praise God's grace in this adoption. 4) I-A-N are the last 3 letters in Lillian's name. He is Lillian's little brother even by name.

After 3 days in the hospital, Ashley signed the necessary paperwork and we celebrated our new family with a special entrustment ceremony. Then we all headed to a house at Sunriver to spend some more time getting to know each other and doting on our little boy. We also hosted a birthday party for Ian with Ashley's friends and family in attendance. It was a wonderful week with love just pouring over Ian.

And now, we're home! It feels so good. Our little champ slept the entire way home even skipping a meal in the process. (Of course he demanded that meal as soon as the car stopped.) Thank you all for your prayers. We can't wait for all of you to meet him! In the meanwhile, this well photographed young man has tons of photos (we're averaging 60 photos a day so far...) at: http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=211631746/a=105385130_105385130/t_=105385130

The Nursery

In 1 frenetic week I managed to convert the nursery from pink to blue. Thankfully the walls were green so we didn't have to repaint. Just about everything else was girly from the mirror to the bedding to the lamp. After many shopping trips, each item was replaced by boyish blue.

Lillian had moved out of the crib into a twin bed so we have both in the room right now. The biggest challenge was finding bedding for both beds that I liked and that coordinated...or at least didn't clash. I prefer not to use a theme and finding twin bedding that is not covered in cars or animals proved to be quite a task. Not to mention squeezing all that furniture into one room. But I have a feeling that twin bed is gonna come in handy on some particularly rough nights.

It still needs a couple more final touches and the curtains need ironing desperately but for the most part it's done. Now all we need is the little boy who is gonna use it.

Mediation II

It was another busy weekend. We left Thursday afternoon and took the long way in order to pick up traction tires in The Dalles. (Apparently my new car has special tires that are not readily available.) Friday we met Ashley, her aunt Becky and her friend/birthing coach Julie at the doctor's office. We were quite a crowd so Jeff eagerly volunteered to sit this one out in the waiting room. I met the midwife and heard this little boy's strong heartbeat. Everything is looking great. After the doctor's appointment, Ashley and her aunt meet with the counselor alone for a bit while we wondered the local mall. Then we gathered for the second and final mediation session. One by one we checked off all the components of the session from the birthplan to the name to the open adoption contract.

One thing they warn you about when you are adopting for the second time is not to expect the experience to be the same. Although we have tried to isolate this adoption and enjoy it as an independent journey, it is difficult not to compare. The hospital experience will be very different which I had a hard time accepting. But I have realized that it is only a few days of a lifetime so I can tough it out.

We really believe in the value of open adoption. We feel that it is best for the child to have lots of contact with his birthparents. Fortunately Ashley wants lots of contact which we're very excited about. The challenge will be maintaining that level of contact throughout our every changing, busy lives. We are writing the contract with the hope and commitment to making it happen.

We're continuing to build this relationship so that we have a foundation to build off of once this baby is born. Ashley and Julie are driving up to Portland this weekend to visit and see our house. That means Jeff is finishing all the final touches of the remodel and I am quickly converting the pink nursery to blue. I know the nursery doesn't need to be done this week but I want to get it ready for 3 reasons. 1) I want Ashley to see the room this little guy will sleep in so she can picture it when they're apart. 2) I want this baby to have a special space when he gets home that was created just for him. 3) I don't want to worry about decorating after he is born, I just want to enjoy him! I'll post pics once it's done.

I can't believe this baby could be here in the next few weeks. I am so ready to snuggle with him!!! Until then, please pray that the birthfather would sign the release papers. And pray that Ashley would feel confident in her decision despite many influencers telling her to parent.

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation

This has been the busiest vacation I have ever had! We have slept in 3 different beds in the last 3 days. Not that I'm complaining mind you but this has been a whirlwind. We flew home Friday night and due to flight delays arrived at our house at midnight. Just in time to crash in our own beds, open the suitcases, throw out the dirty clothes and re-pack clean clothes before hitting the road to Bend yesterday morning. Jeff decided to take the long, easy road in order to avoid the snowy pass. It took a little longer but was worth it. We arrived in Bend in time to grab dinner with Lillian's birthmom which was such a treat. Then today, we met a new birthmom and began forging a relationship. "Forging a relationship?!" That makes it sound like work which couldn't be further from reality.

We met this birthmom and the counselor at 10:30am and didn't stop chatting until the restaurant closed at 2pm. (We met in a little mom & pop restaurant in a small town outside of Bend so they keep their own hours I guess.) At around noon the counselor excused herself saying that we clearly didn't need her around. The conversation flowed naturally as we exchanged pictures and stories. We just adore her! She must like us too because she invited us to her doctor's appointment on Friday. So, back we go. We'll attend her doctor's appointment and then meet the counselor for a second mediation session.

It seems so real and so surreal all at the same time. We've got to call our pediatrician and call our lawyer and re-decorate the nursery in boy colors and install the car seat and...and...and... Oh well, it'll all get done. I know there is always a risk that this adoption may not go through. But we've decided to throw our whole heart into it with the hope that it goes well. Every baby deserves parents who are excitedly anticipating his/her arrival. I refuse to wait until it is "safe" to start loving this little boy.

The prayer requests are all praises today. Praise God for our safe travel. Praise God for this brave birthmom. Praise God for this beautiful baby. Praise God for bringing families together in many different ways.

The Call

WE GOT THE CALL!!!! I think my sister and mom are good luck charms. Three years ago, we got "the call" about Lillian when the three of us were in a car together. And today, as we were having a girls lunch in Arizona, we got "the call" about Lillian's brother. Yep, it's a boy!

Before we get too ahead of ourselves, I should explain that this is just the call to tell us that we have been selected to meet a birthparent. The next step will be to meet each other in a mediation session. If that goes well, we'll arrange another mediation session a few days later. Typically there is more time between mediation sessions but this will be a fast timeline as this baby is due on January 19th! Then there is the birth and paperwork to finalize the placement. Basically there are a lot of steps before this is official but in the meanwhile, I'm excited at the prospect of a new baby.

As usual, there are random and sometimes quirky connections that drew the birthmom to us. She loves the fact that Jeff is a stay-at-home Dad because she is very close to her father. She also likes that I am a career woman as that is her goal as well. The counselor describes her as a smart, go-getter who always thinks of other people first. In fact, we have been "on hold" for a while as this birthmother was interested in us but has been struggling with the decision and wanted to be sure before we were contacted. She sounds like a very special person and I can't wait to meet her.

We return to Oregon tomorrow and will arrange the 2 mediation meetings. They will take place around the Bend area as that is where the birthmom lives. So pray that the snow lightens up so we can make the drive. Please pray also that it would be clear whether we would be a good match for a lifelong commitment. I could easily get caught up in the excitement and want to make sure we're all making sound decisions. And pray for health and happiness for this little boy and his birthmom.

As the counselor said, Merry Christmas!

Lori & Jeff Plus XX

I had the rare treat of getting a mani/pedi last week and the manicurist made the mistake of asking me if I had kids. After the initial awkward banter, we moved into talk of the impending adoption. She kept telling me that she had a "feeling" we would end up with twins. The funny thing is that I've heard that from quite a few people. Couple that with my recent obsession with tv shows about large families (Jon & Kate +8, Kids By The Dozen, etc) and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being prepared for "something." Maybe it's twice the wait for twice the kids. Or maybe that's just how I'm coping with the anticipation.

Regardless, I'm actually feeling okay with the wait right now...whether I'm waiting for one baby or an entire basketball team of babies. A ringing phone doesn't stop my heart anymore. I can even go an entire day without thinking about the adoption. Now that's progress!

I've got the room ready, bag packed and bottles washed leaving nothing to do but enjoy sleeping in. Cause when Dora & Diego...or the Harristrotters...or little H arrives, I'm sure sleep will be nothing but a distant memory.

Shopping Therapy

Ugh, no news yet. I'm resorting to periodic shopping therapy. How cute are these???

Waiting Families

I pictured the waiting families gathering a little something like this...

Several nervous couples lounging on the floor on over sized pillows gazing up at me in reverent silence as I expounded the virtues of open adoption. They would all be novices in this voyage but I would be their anchor. No, their lighthouse. Yes, a lighthouse stoically illuminating their path through the hazy waters. I would be that voice of experience that would calm their fears. We would build lifelong friendships out of this common journey to parenthood. And I...I would be the founder of this tight knit group.



Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. Hi Reality, good to see you! Who invited you to the party?



I'm not sure why I thought we would be the only second timers in the crowd. Or why our experience would be relevant to the pre-selected topics of last minute placements and entrustment ceremonies. We had neither.


Let me remind you that we did not attend these gatherings during our last adoption process. But we thought we'd give it a shot this time. Part of the reason we attended was to be a reference tool for the other families. My other hope was that these discussions would calm my escalating anxiety.



We arrived at the host's home to discover that they had adopted a son in September of 2004, just one month before Lillian was born. Then in walked another mom with her three year old. We recognized her from the adoption seminar we both attended in January of 2004. Rounding out our little gathering was a couple soon to be in pool and three couples who joined the pool around the same time as we did.



Suddenly the pool seemed a whole lot more crowded. These are all eager, bright, loving couples who want the same thing as we do.



The host family casually mentioned that had been in the pool for a year. Pause here for my blood curdling scream: AAAAHHHH! I told Jeff that I would have to video conference into the waiting families gathering a year from now...from the funny farm. I will be mentally unstable if I wait a year. Did I mention...AAAAHHHHH! So much for calming my escalating anxiety.



The discussion began with the counselor asking if any of us had experienced a last minute placement. One mom told us about adopting a four-month old in a last minute placement. They were kayaking in the San Juan's when they got the call. The met the birthfamily on July 4th and were told to return the next day ready to take home their little girl. They didn't have a car seat. They only had infant clothes. They had formula but this child was allergic to dairy. She said they ran to the only store open at 8:30pm on the 4th of July and frantically grabbed other mothers in the aisles to ask what size a 4-month old would wear. After the counselor commented that many people get the call while taking a "last vacation," I suggested that we all go kayaking this weekend.



The families had many questions about the logistics of a last minute placement. How does the birthmother select an adoptive family? Do you go through mediation I & II? Are there ever disruptions in a last minute placement? How does insurance work? We sat and listened and picked up a couple of new pieces of information.



Then the conversation turned to entrustment ceremonies. These take a variety of forms but are generally the expression of both the adoptive and birth families' feelings prior to departing the hospital. The counselor said that almost every family has some sort of entrustment ceremony. (Huh, we didn't have an entrustment ceremony. Lillian's birthmom didn't think we needed something formal and we agreed.) Then the counselor remarked that these ceremonies are a very important part of the process. (We certainly didn't feel like anything was missing in our adoption process.) After she went on for some time about the value of being able to tell the child about this important ceremony, something in my head snapped. How dare she assert that those of us who did not conduct some tear filled gesture would not be able to tell our child how loved they are by their family. So I piped up and boldly remarked that we did not have an entrustment ceremony and didn't feel like we missed out on anything. The counselor asked how we left each other at the hospital. I told her that we took pictures together in the lobby, hugged everyone, promised to call once we got home, got in our cars and left. She just kind of smiled sadly and continued on about the importance of this exchange of emotions. The guy sitting next to me whispered conspiratorially that he didn't want to have a ceremony. Oh well, even if the counselor didn't agree with our process, it was satisfying to the people involved which is more important. AND these waiting families were able to hear an alternative point of view. I guess our experience was a valuable contribution to the evening after all.



After an hour and a half, our gathering came to a close. We said our goodbyes and jumped in our cars without exchanging so much as an e-mail address. Guess we won't be lifelong friends.



On the way home I told Jeff that I didn't want to go to another one of these gatherings except for the fact that I offered to host the next one! Well, I can continue to hope that by the time January rolls around, we will no longer be a waiting family and I will be relieved of my hosting duties. I'm beginning to have my doubts but a girl can hope...and pray.

Call Us!

It's been 2 weeks and I'm getting really sick of talking to telemarketers. But "no call goes unanswered," that's our motto. Even if it reads out "1-800-Ask4Monee" on the caller id, we answer. (Apparently in my mind, telemarketers can't spell...or count to 7.) Which means I've had the distinct pleasure of talking to some very interesting people. Last night, after I told the guy for the third time that I was not going to give him any money, he hung up on me. The nerve! How dare he hang up on ME! Especially when I was about to hang up on him. I hate it when my ideas are stolen.

RIIIIIIINNNNNG darn it.

Okay, I'm getting a little anxious. I know it's only been 2 weeks. And for the first 13 days, I was calm. Suddenly last night, the little switch in my brain flipped and I am on high alert. I think I'm even starting to imagine the phone ringing.

Next Tuesday we're going to attend the waiting families gathering through our agency. That way we can commiserate together...or whatever one does at these gatherings. I can only imagine the group reaction to a cell phone ringing in that meeting! I also offered to host one of these gatherings while secretly hoping that by the time they called on us to host we would no longer be a waiting family.

I'm plenty busy and there is much left to do on the house so it's not as though I sit around staring longingly at the phone. Calling the land line from my cell and my cell from the land line just to make sure they're working. Willing them to ring darn it, RING! Nope, none of that for me. I'm busy, busy, busy. I know God's timing is perfect so I will try to be patient. As you know, that is not my strong point so it will require great effort though. Ugh.

In the meanwhile, I am controlling...ahem, I mean influencing...what I can. Through a process of stalking that stops just short of a restraining order, I have managed to get our dear birthparent letter published on the website! Okay, it was just one little e-mail innocently inquiring as to whether they got all the requisite information for the posting. They confirmed that they got it. And the next day, voila! It's published. Check out our smiling faces. With that kind of marketing, I'm sure the phone will ring soon.

I said, I'M SURE THE PHONE WILL RING SOON.

COME ON, RING ALREADY!

Dear Lori (Part 3)

Dear Lori,

What happens in the event that you get picked by more than one family? Do you get to adopt multiple babies?

Signed,
Lindsay

Dear Lindsay,

No such luck. Unless this little baby happened to have requested a double instead of a single room, we have to wait a year between adoptions. In fact, our contract with the agency requires us to contact them if we get pregnant or adopt from another agency. They want adoptive parents to have dedicated time with their baby and birthfamily before jumping into the process again.

Funny enough, if you had asked me that question last time, I wouldn't have known the answer. I never thought to ask! This time we asked whether we could adopt from two birthfamilies at once. We're not getting any younger and as naive as this might sound, I think it would be easier to have twins than babies a year apart. At least with twins they are at the same developmental milestones. (I'm sure parents of multiples are getting a good chuckle out of my innocence.)

Most families in the pool are willing to adopt twins and we are no exception. The instances of twin adoptions are fairly rare at our agency which is not surprising considering that in the US, the odds of conceiving twins without fertility drugs is 12 per 1000. Despite the odds, with our last adoption, a birthfamily expecting twin boys pulled our profile but did not select us.

If a birthparent pulls our profile, the agency continues to send out our letter but flags our name internally. This indicates that a counselor should contact the counselor of the birthparent who pulled our profile before sending further information to their birthparent. Make sense? I can't imagine how, even I'm confused! But suffice it to say that the agency has ways of ensuring that the process is not overwhelming and that birthfamilies aren't fighting over us. Hey, it could happen...

Thanks for the question!
Lori

The Pool

First, the results of the last poll!!! Drum roll please...


How long will we wait before being matched with a birthfamily?

65% - 1-3 months, about the same as last time
17% - 3-6 months, you'll have time to finish all the projects at home
13% - Less than a month, stock up on diapers today!
1% - 6-12 months, average is good
0% - A year or more, plenty of time to catch up on sleep


Generally an optimistic crowd! I like the way you think.


We received the "dear birthparent" packet last week along with the official letter welcoming us to the pool. This is the same packet of letters that is given to any birthparent that contacts the agency. It is sorted in chronological order with those who have been in the pool the longest at the beginning. And lemme tell ya, I devour this packet like some sort of starving animal. This is my process. First, I flip through and look at the photos to get a feel for the competition.


(I know it's terrible that I think of it as a competition. Take comfort in the knowledge that all of these deserving parents will have a baby to love eventually. So it's really not a competition in that we all have our own finish line and prize awaiting us. Now that I've justified my poor sportsmanship, I'll get back to the point.)


Next, I dissect the pool statistically. What can I say? I'm the daughter of a math teacher. We like numbers.

• There are 53 waiting families in the pool right now.
• 26 are gay or lesbian couples (49%)
• 17 are male/female couples with a child (32%)
• 7 are male/female couples with no children (13%)
• 3 are single (6%)

Finally I read each of their letters. And I don't mind telling you that I want to be adopted by some of these families. (No offense Mom & Dad. You were still my first choice.) They are each amazing and different and yet joined by this collective desire to be parents. Also interestingly, at least 3 of the families with a child were in the pool with us last time.

Well, that is my summation of the pool. I imagine that a birthparent goes through a similar process. Checking out the photos. Choosing the family make-up that they like best (gay, straight, single, have children, etc). Then reading the letters with awe, sadness and hope. What a sense of responsibility to know that they hold someone else's happiness in the palm of their hand (or the womb of their body in this case). I am constantly humbled by their courage and generosity.

The other interesting part of the pool is discovering that a few families have specified a specific gender. We were cautioned in our first adoption that specifying a gender dramatically reduces your odds for a match. About 1/3 of the birthparents haven't found out what they are having. And another 1/3 are having the opposite gender. So you've effectively narrowed your available choices by 2/3. We still picture ourselves with a girl because that's what we're used to. But we will be thrilled with any child (or children) that God blesses us with. What gender do you think we'll have? Mark your answer on this week's poll.